Jirapa: I had to choose between Himself and His Family
Life as an aging girl wasn’t easy in my little abode in Jirapa few years ago.
I was a graduate nurse who had completed my program of study and was posted to Jirapa Municipality as a worker, I stayed there from 2013 to 2017. Between the years I met this young man who was serious about me, we met in Nadowli during a program at the district Assembly, he said he wanted us to be friends and took my number, we communicated on Facebook for sometime, I added him on Facebook as a friend though it wasn’t so prodigious as at that time.
Weeks went by and he declared his Intentions that he wanted to settle down with me, by then we were into each other and were thrice done with the room games. I missed my period as a result but kept it out of his reach.
I never responded to his demands for marriage directly, I told him I needed time to carryout some thoughts since marriage is not a child’s play. I later agreed to his proposal and he suggested we meet his family along the the month which was in April.
Few weeks down the line I requested he takes me to his family house, to know where he is from, he took me to his mother’s house and I met with her, his mother spoke with me and asked where I’m from, I mentioned my home town and she smiled, a few minutes later I excused them to free myself, one my return I overheard his mother stating that girls from my hometown were very difficult people and sometimes evil, she said she wouldn’t allow our relationship to continue, I overheard them but as I was coming inn, I dragged my feet outside to notify them someone was coming so they changed the topic of discussion to something else.
We left the family house and went back to Jirapa, few days later, my partner sat with me and told me he likes me so much but his mother didn’t want the relationship to hold, at that point, I told him I was pregnant. This news confused him so much that he had to go back to his mother to tell her of the pregnancy with the hope that it could neutralize the misconceptions, his mother didn’t welcome the news and told his son to get the pregnancy aborted, he told me of it but as a health Expert I knew the implications so I turned down their demands, I told my partner it was unsafe. He also had issues with me for refusing, he said if I wouldn’t abort the pregnancy then the relationship will end. I opted for ending the relationship than aborting the pregnancy so he stopped calling me and stopped returning my calls.
Few months later I was on my way to work when I met a friend of his, we talked and I asked of James(my ex boyfriend) and how he was fairing, his friend told me he had gotten married, that his mother got him a wife from a nearby Community and he got married to her, I was surprised, I told his friend of my issues with him, I told him of how he was insisting for abortion and how he stopped picking my calls but his friend insisted I Keep the pregnancy, he added that “one day the child my be a corner Stone to a building” , I took the proverb In good faith and in a few months later I was put to bed and it was a boy, no Tradition could be followed so I contacted my Dad and told him the story, my dad gave me some pieces of advice and gave the child a name ‘Mwinibuobu’ meaning ‘the will of God’, he advised me to take good care of the child so I heeded to his advice because my father was my mentor. 2 years later, i took a picture of the child and kept him on Facebook, It was his birthday and I kept him there, his father came online and liked the picture. He posted a comment under the image and it read ‘May you live to be great dear son’ this got be in awe, I called his friend and told him what I saw and he told me for 2 years James couldn’t father a child after marriage, he added that I could be the reason he had a divided mind.
On my way from work in the evening, I saw him and he signaled me to stop near The St. Joseph Hospital, I stopped, he spoke to me and picked up the child I was carrying, he was so excited holding him, so I stated ‘ this would have been our child but you rejected him, if i should tell him what you said to me before he was born, he wouldn’t even allow you to touch him”.
He apologized to me by the roadside and knelt down, I felt so embarrassed, he said it wasn’t his fault but that of his mother.
He told me he would divorce his wife and Return to me but I didn’t want to look like an opportunist so I kicked against that idea instantly and left.
Few days later he called me and told me he had divorced his wife and wanted me as his wife, I contacted my father and Informed him, he advised me to agree but told me his first wife won’t have it easy with me, my dad also added that I should still relate with his family in the expected Traditional way because in Dagaare, if one is to marry, you marry the whole family and not Just the Man, he came to Jirapa from Nadowli and met with my ex partner, they spoke at length and my father agreed to endorse the marriage, he traveled with the two of us to meet my ex partner’s mother, lo and behold they were school mates back in the ages, James’s Mother recollected ever borrowing an exam fee from my father way back and since then they never met again. This singular Development neutralized every hatred amongst the two families, James’s mother Accepted me afterwards and we got married.
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